“I’m Irish and Scottish, which means I like to get really drunk and wear a skirt, but it also means that I’ve never had a tan in my life; I am genetically incapable of achieving any kind of skin color whatsoever. I am an ultra-Caucasian. I am a super honkie. This, of course, means that I can’t dance, I’m hung like a grasshopper, and I get burned by the moon on cloudy nights, so that sucks.”

– Tom Cotter