I could have sworn that I wrote about this a month ago, but my year-end roundup is the only reference I can find. I have yet to touch a cigarette since quitting in early October. Things went surprisingly well for the first few weeks. I was expecting to crack during one of the drives between Virginia and New York - driving is always the toughest - but I’ve made it three and a half months. I certainly didn’t think I could make it this far, and I don’t think any of my detractors did either. I’m pretty sure this is the longest I’ve gone without a smoke since I was 17.
I can’t say that I miss it terribly. I almost never wake up coughing, unless it’s been a particularly cold night (I tend to leave the heat low). I’m sure that I’ve saved a fair bit of money, though I don’t feel like calculating the specifics now.
Even so, I find myself pining for a smoke now more than ever. It gave me something to do. When I was nervous, I’d smoke. It was a life saver in crowded bars where I didn’t know many people. It gave me a chance to organize my thoughts when I was stumped with a problem. It provided some measure of social outlet; non-smokers don’t believe me when I tell them how many people I met because of it.
And finally, I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately. Every time a character takes a drag, I wish I could do the same. I remember watching The Way of The Gun at Shaun J’s about a year and a half ago. Every time the characters pulled out a smoke, we’d pause the movie and climb out the window onto the fire escape to enjoy one ourselves. Another time, in Dan and Rhubarb’s room, Boondock Saint’s took us about three hours to finish because of all the smoke breaks (granted, we were drinking too, so there were a lot of piss breaks).
I keep wondering if it’s safe to have the occasional smoke yet. I know, at the back of my mind, that the first one will be the end of me, but I try to convince myself that I can have one now and then without getting started again.
I’ve done well so far. I have no intention of buying a pack, but I really didn’t think it would get harder along the way.